Take risks
Taking risks takes you out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is like a bubble where you feel safe from the outside world, but keeps you from learning new things. When you take risks, you are taking steps out of your bubble, and every step builds your self-confidence to take another step.
Opening up to something new brings excitement … and fear! Excitement is the spice of life. Taking risks triggers new feelings, keeping you engaged and motivated to push yourself a little further up the hill of self-confidence. Critical thinking and self-confidence will bring your level of fear down to the actual level of risk.
What is risk?
When we think risk, our first instinct is to think danger. A better way to think about risk is uncertainty, not knowing the outcome. There is the classic strategy board game Risk where your choice of moves is based on risk assessment because unlike, say card games where card values are known, there are too many factors involved to have statistical certainty; you have to take risks. That is life, at every level where consequences of an action can range from a simple inconvenience to being life changing.
Decisions and actions
The nearby bakery is out of bread, a bit annoying to walk two blocks to the next one, do you really need the bread? Your phone is now beeping at you while you are walking to the next bakery dodging traffic, that's definitely annoying. You do look at your phone, even though you are walking in the middle of traffic, it is spam again! So annoying. Crash ... you did not see that bicycle and you are now flat on the ground, looking for your phone and that guy, also on the ground, holding your phone and looking at you. You both get up, you are ok, he seems ok. Now, you can either say sorry and walk away, or get into a confusingly embarrassing attempt to apologize and make sure he is ok. What is the risk? At best, he smiles and bikes away, at worst, you get a lecture about looking at traffic instead of your phone.
Sometimes, even your best risk assessment overlooks something, resulting in an unexpected outcome. In this instance, you assessed the situation from your vintage point only, not assessing the possibility that ... the guy is now apologizing profusely because he was so awestruck looking at you that he forgot to brake ... and absolutely wants to get you coffee and your bread at the bakery. That was 5 years ago, you now have 2 beautiful kids together.
Let's review:
- There was annoyance, no bread.
- There was danger, looking at your phone in traffic.
- There was unpredictability, new husband.
Everything you do involves some degree of risk, going out for bread or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. What is holding you back from taking action is fear, the fear of no bread, the fear of skydiving, and anything in between. It is the in between that we need to talk about as that is what is what makes a difference in your life.
Social risks
Why is there such a wide disparity about how people perceive risks in social life? Aside from shyness, social risks are mostly subjective, based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. That is a completely different thing than the risk of falling from the sky or being run over by a bicycle. Engaging with people in a social setting is not physically dangerous, it is only socially dangerous. Granted, that can have consequences in your life. Hanging out with the local bikers instead of the church choir could have life-changing social consequences, for better or worse. Here again, it is not the biker or choir setting that is difficult to assess, it is the in-between; the social club, the fitness club, the local bar. Should I engage? Should I keep it civil and proper ... and boring? Will people think of me as a social butterfly? Does it matter? Aaaah! ... It will show your personality and your social preferences, including misperceptions. Depending on the context, it will make you look good, or bad, in people's eyes. Does it matter in your life? Or, to look at it from a different vantage point: Would it be better for your life to do this, rather than not doing it?
How to switch your mindset
Think of risk as your key to escape the bubble and discover new possibilities. Consider the rewards of doing something and the satisfaction of accomplishment. Recognize and acknowledge your fears, it's okay to worry, don't let that stop you. Take action and overcome! Never let fear stop you.
Learn about what you want to do. Research what other people have done or said about the same action you are about to take. Think of it as a script you can practice to feel prepared. Having a plan gives you directions, a map to follow to your destination. This will greatly increase your chances of success. Focus on what you can control and identify what remains unknown. Then take a deep breath and look ahead with confidence.
Ideas to build up your confidence
- Network outside your circle: Go to trade shows, industry events, or even online forums related to your job. Connect with new people who share the same professional interests. In addition to building up your confidence, it will open new potential professional opportunities, which, in turn, opens a path to take bigger risks in your life.
- Take on a new interest that requires someone else to participate: "someone else" being the social key that can drive your confidence and motivation. Let's say you are interested in learning to play guitar or piano. Do it if you can do it with someone else to learn from, or even better, to learn with.
- Talk to strangers! Think ahead of simple questions you feel comfortable asking, and possible follow-ups, then test them out in a public space, starting with people of your gender. With time, practice, and increased confidence, you will devise more challenging questions.
- Give a speech or a presentation: Commit yourself to others to do this, then plan, prepare, and practice your speech. Get excited for the opportunity, and do it!
- Join a social club matching your interests: whatever it is, there is a social club for that. Dry flowers, wine, history, ghost hunting? Because it is a different dynamic than business networks, it is about you, not about your work.
- Take a bold step into your secret fantasies, and make it happen: Jump out of an airplane? (with a parachute!) Do it! Look up skydiving in your city and book a date. This will change your outlook on life. Or being tied up in rope? Look up your local BDSM social group, listen, ask questions, and try it. This will give you a huge boost of self-confidence.
Taking risks is not about being reckless. It's about making an objective and fair assessment of choices to do or not do something, build your self-confidence and enjoy your life more fully.
