Shy no more

"Fake it 'til you make it"

Shyness is a perception, not a physical handicap; you can leave it behind you and move on with your life. Instead of the usual advice, because you probably already tried the "start small" and never got past that point, let's change the way you think about your shyness.

Why am I shy?

Think about what the reasons may be. The most common causes are rooted in culture and upbringing, or religious education. If you can identify the origin of your shyness, you can then use critical thinking to reason and overcome preconceptions and understand the false knowledge associated with it. You will then become free of the perceived moral constraints that are holding you back.

Shyness is not a mental condition

Unlike social anxiety, which is an anxiety disorder, shyness is not a mental health issue. Understanding the difference is important: social anxiety is a fear of rejection and disapproval, while shyness is simply discomfort in social settings.

Challenge Your Thinking

People don't know that you are shy until you show them! You think everyone is judging your every move. People overlook the quiet one in the room until something happens to catch their attention.
Switch from cautious mode to positive mode! Instead of "Can I do this?" switch to "I can do this". Don’t question yourself if you can, or should. Just do it!
Engage and take the initiative! Get social with like-minded people. It is easier to engage conversation on subjects of common interests.
Don't think so much! Instead of thinking back about what you did or said, think forward about what you will do or say next.
Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Do you feel less shy with strangers, or with people you already know? These are your strengths. Oddly enough, put more effort toward the situations you already feel stronger about. This will build up your confidence to attack your weaknesses.
The power of "I Don't Know". Being able to say that you don't know something shows strength, objectivity, and openness to talk about something. Expressed with positive body language, it can lead to engaging conversations.
Body language talks! Use it to your advantage. Calm and confident, making welcoming eye-contact opens up people and helps you feel secure and confident.

Shyness does not define you. It is a behavior that you can change in time. Keep your focus on your goal, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. And stop thinking so much!

Set yourself up:

Tweak your personal space with positive or daring changes:

Change your phone ringtone to a song that makes you feel up and going when you hear it. Also, change notification sounds to something that makes you feel good.
Odd but effective to overcome self-consciousness:
- Men: Wear red or orange socks with your suit, or any clothing accessory that is bound to catch the eye.
- Women: Wear a fashion accessory that says "Wow, unexpected", AND one daring undergarment that no one will see, but that you know you are wearing in public. Go shopping in a kinky place for that item!
Perfume or Cologne that makes you feel sexy all over.

Do it!

"Fake it 'til you make it": Instead of just pretending that you feel confident, take on a character role in social settings. This could be a historical figure, a fictional character, or just what you want to be. Play that character, enjoy the fun while learning new social behaviors.
Use humour to relax. Make it fun, it will relax you as well as the people you are engaging with. Their perception of you will be enjoyable and open instead of shy.
Play "Social Experiment" games. You can practice without stress and without overthinking:
- Smile and say hello to five strangers each day.
- Compliment three people each day.
- Tease or engage with one person each day and ask three questions about their interests or themselves.