Body confidence
Body confidence is when you can look at yourself in the mirror and say: "I am good!". Better yet, when you no longer need to look in the mirror to reaffirm yourself. Body confidence is loving and accepting yourself. Recognizing your flaws and imperfections without feeling shy or uneasy about them. It's not about looking perfect to others; it's about how you feel about yourself, the foundation of self-confidence.
It's not about time!
It is social media, the beautiful models, that girl next door ... before that it was advertising, the movies, the girl next door. And way before that it was the Greek statues, Cleopatra, and the girl next door. In today's beauty pictures, the women are slim while in the beauty pictures of a hundred years ago they were plump. Perception is deceiving; The hourglass corset was most popular in the prudish Victorian era, yet nude paintings of that period would be considered fat today. The women wanted to look thinner than the artistic standard of the time. It is a fair assumption that most Athenian women did not look like their marble sisters, but that many were very jealous of them and did everything they could to match their beauty.
There is another issue with perception of beauty: the binary perception: "She is beautiful, I am not beautiful". There are not two types of people, the beautiful ones, and the ugly ones. It is a spectrum with everything in between, same as height, skin color, or sexual orientation; it is from the gene blender. Why did I bring sexual orientation into that discussion? Because still today, in some cultures or beliefs, it is perceived as either/or, good/bad, instead of a range of diversity, like the perception of beauty being beautiful or not.
Don't chase beauty, you are somewhere in the spectrum and so is the girl next door. Let's focus on your mindset instead.
Body language
It is a paradox that If you are shy, or self-conscious about your body, people will subconsciously shift their focus from listening to you to watching your body language. It could be the tone of your voice being weak or overly strong, or what you are saying, or not saying! Subconsciously, if what we are saying, or how we are saying it is at odds with our body language, most people's attention gets drawn to our movements and gestures. You can easily see that by listening and watching someone who is very expressive in both what they say, how they say it, and how their hand movements match their speech. Italians are masters of coordinated speech and body language, something about their cultural history. Then you have the Brits, masters of subtle and restrained body language. Yet, you can easily "read" either one if you pay attention.
All 7 types of body language revolve around one basic requirement: body confidence. About your facial expression; how is your smile? Small, big, relax? Is your eye contact steady or fugitive? Are you comfortable on your seat? Do you extend your hand to lightly touch someone to express openness or consideration? One of the most interesting types involves space. There are times and contexts where moving back a little can mean the opposite: either "I am disconnecting, not engaging", or "yes, please expand and tell me more". Your facial expression will tell the difference. Same opposite if you move forward into their space; it could be "tell me more, I am feeling it, I am connecting with you", or "I am power, you will listen and submit".
Clear the clutter
Your first step is to clear the clutter and keep it simple:
- Ignore influencers on your social media. What you see there is to gain views, likes, and fame. You may like what you see, but it has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. The posts are for their benefit, not your benefit. Keep what you see and what you feel separate.
- Don't go diet crazy, simply stay healthy. The more restrictive a diet is, the shorter it will last, or the more miserable you will feel, leaving you worse off than when you started. Just keep reasonably healthy, cut down a bit here and there, and stay with it. The key is a happy balance of choices that you can live with for the long term. That will bring lasting results.
- Wear what makes you feel good! Don't hide your body in loose clothes; you only look worse! Wear what fits your shape. Take risks with bright colors, be daring to show off the parts of you that you are especially proud of. Fashion experiments are a fun way to practice your self-confidence. There is no reason to be prude about yourself, be proud. Never, never let society and culture dictate how you should look. It is your body, your choice. I do understand that in some parts of the world, it is not possible to do that without facing serious consequences.
- Move your body! Get moving, swinging, jumping, whatever feels good to you. Fitness and gym work with the mind. Yoga starts with the mind. When you feel physically stronger, you also feel mentally stronger. In public, in the metro, move with energy, that makes you look even better!
Your daily boost
Here is a practical, mindset-first roadmap for your daily boost of happiness and confidence:
- After a shower, towel dry with your eyes closed. Feel your body without judging. Let your brain shift from visual to feelings.
- Like one social media account showing activities you enjoy doing (dancing, climbing, swimming, etc.). Feed "normal" data to your brain!
- Real-life social: Talk in person with at least one positive-thinking person. Be it your best friend or the gardener down the street. It is not easy to find one every day, but over time, you will have a growing mental list of random positive-thinking people. Your social world will look brighter.
If it sounds like steps toward self-confidence, well ... it is! Body confidence goes hand in hand with self-confidence.
Ready for pleasure?
If you are a prude, you should skip this part, as it could unshackle you from boredom.
- Dress up and go out with no underwear. Only you know! It's a mind tickler. Ladies, kick it up a step: wear a short skirt and sit facing people in the bus or metro. You will remember the one who was looking at you, like they knew it.
- Dance naked with your lover or your bestie. Just enjoy the music and the moves, forget that you are naked.
- Go to a nudist resort. You will be amazed how normal and fun it is. When everyone is naked, gone are the usual markers of class and social standing with clothing.
- Explore your kinks, discover your feelings with Shibari. Ok, so you may have to look that up! Search for a social group near you, it is best and safer within a group, you will learn consent.
