Win the online dating lottery
There is a smart way
Change your thinking, change your objective. Browse the dating site the same way as you do in the real world. You don't walk into a club, stand there and scan around for your next partner, then move to the next club. You go there for a good time, small talk here and there, looking for social contact, not your next partner. In time, you make new casual friends, and among them, sometimes, there is attraction, there is mutual interest greater than friendship.
Dating sites don't work that way. You both have to express interest to make it a match. The official reason is so that you don't get spammed by all the profiles you don't care about. No, it is the business model, they need to keep you there as long as possible to stay in business.
Light-weight profile
Don't look for your next partner, look for a social contact. Casual pictures, casual "I enjoy this and that" profile in the same spirit as you would express in real life. Then make it non-committal and safe: Would you like to join me for a coffee break in a public space? When there is a match, be welcoming without getting into long chats. If the coffee break does not happen within a week, it is not going to happen. Thank you for the chat, and move on.
If the coffee break happens, Yeah! Real life now. Treat it as such; a new social acquaintance. After an hour, one of three things may happen: #1 You found a new like-minded friend, and that's a good thing (more on that later), #2 Naah, no connection, different interests, etc. Nice to meet you, wish you well in life. #3 Chemistry, mutual attraction, you have a date! The odds of #3 are like the lottery grand prize: don't hold your breath. Odds for #1 are far better, and #2 is the most likely outcome.
Let's look again at #1. You found a new friend. That new friend has friends that you will likely meet in the future. The odds are good that you will like the friends of that new friend because you are all likely to have similar likes and interests. You have now extended your social reach by a factor of 10! And you can do it again as there is no such thing as friendship monogamy.
There, you are now using your dating profile to leverage your real-life social network where the chance to find your next partner is far greater than that of any dating site.
Let's talk distance
Local or long-distance are two very different paths, and outcome! Either you meet in person quickly and know right away if you have found a potentially good ticket, or you chat and video call over weeks before you know if there is potential or not, and without knowing for certainty who that person is, or looks like in real-life. In addition, the expectations of long distance are so much higher as meeting involve planning and travel. When it is local, you can go on a date to see while neither of you is going to get on a plane to casually meet for coffee. Unless you live in a dating desert, go local, keep it to less than one hour away, and no more than a week until coffee.
Do
- Tell about your lifestyle and your interests (no, not the travel, the food, or the cat!). Then you can say:
- Looking to share common interests and lifestyle.
- Leave the door wide open to possibilities. You will be meeting new people, and someone could become a like-minded good friend if not a relationship. That is also a good ticket.
- Looking for friends and relationships.
- Natural pictures only! Show your shape. It is important to most people, even if they will not say it. It is also honest. No need for swimsuit pictures, unless you are proud to show your body, and you can brush off the stupid messages that you will invariably get.
- That's who I am
Don't
- Skip the "I like to travel", "I like good food", etc.; we all like to do that. Your profile says, "I am a boring person".
- No cat picture! There are so many, it gets confusing about which profile had the white cat, and which one had the black cat.
- Never, NEVER: picture on a bed, or even in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with a nice picture of you fully clothed in the bedroom, but horny minds think sex! And when they think sex, they forget everything you carefully wrote in your profile.
What about if ...
- You are non-monogamous or polyamorous: Be clear about it as early as possible, as for most people, being either mono or non-mono is a deal breaker. If you are non-mono, write it fully as either ethical or consensual non-monogamy, so that you are not perceived as a butterfly looking for action.
- You already have a relationship going on, either far away, not enough, or just being normal if you are non-mono. If you are honest, then #1 covers that. If you are cheating, deal with the consequences.
What about alternatives?
Being active on social media, meaning posting text and replies, not just pictures, can work well if you focus on #1 distance, #2 common interests, #3 evidence of real life activity like social clubs, sport happenings, outings. So that there is a likelihood of meeting in real life.
Social groups matching your interests who meet regularly nearby. You will find a lot of them on Facebook. Advantages: like-minded people meeting locally that you know you will likely meet again next time. Community volunteering, food banks always need help, is social networking as well, while doing something you feel good about.
What about the usual hook-up places, bars and clubs? If you enjoy the scene, then absolutely go for it. Not everyone there is looking for a hook-up.
Anywhere else is always a random possibility that greatly depends on your awareness and instinctive response. Small differences in social behavior, like holding a door for someone, picking up something that someone accidentally dropped. It is nothing, an interaction lasting a few seconds. Yet, you have heard many times stories of accidental meetings. But it only happens if you naturally react spontaneously as there is no time to think.
