Online dating lottery
Dating sites are like playing the lottery. Everybody wants to win the grand prize, but when you say "only serious relationships" or "only real love", you are saying "I only want the grand prize". And, looking at your profile, they are thinking, "I am the grand prize" because that is what you said you want. Of course, they cannot all be the grand prize, and even if there is one, there is no way to know which one it may be.
Aspiring candidates know they are not, but they will try anyway because they want you to like them. And you are disappointed as you feel misled, yet, you are the one who set it up that way.
A better way
How about simply hoping for a good ticket? Even a small prize is good news; it makes you a little happy, and, who knows, a good ticket could turn out to be the grand prize in the future. When it is good, fair, and honest, enjoy the moment without thinking about the grand prize, without disappointment. Like the lottery, there are many more small good ticket on dating sites than big ones. Enjoy each date for what they bring to you, maybe a new friend, maybe a new relationship. Every good ticket is a new opportunity. Don't hold back and wait for that perfect ticket that may never come.
Let's talk distance
Local or long-distance are two very different paths. Either you meet in person quickly and know right away if you have found a potentially good ticket, or you chat and video call over weeks before you know if there is potential or not. You are also more likely to find a new friend locally as the expectations of long distance are so much higher. When it is local, you can go on a date "just to see" while neither of you is going to get on a plane casually. Unless you live in a dating desert, go local and keep it to less than one hour away.
Do
- Tell about your lifestyle and your interests (no, not the travel or the food!). Then you can say:
- "Looking to share common interests and lifestyle."
- Leave the door wide open to possibilities: "Looking for friends and relationships". You will be meeting new people, and someone could become a like-minded good friend if not a relationship. That is also a good ticket.
- Natural pictures only! Show your shape. It is important to most people, even if they won't say it. It is also honesty, "That's who I am". No need for swimsuit pictures, unless you are proud to show your body, and you can brush off the stupid messages that you will invariably get.
Don't
- Skip the "I like to travel", "I like good food", etc.; we all like to do that. Your profile says, "I am a boring person".
- No cat picture! There are so many, it gets confusing about which profile had the white cat, and which one had the black cat.
- Never, NEVER: picture on a bed, or even in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with a nice picture of you fully clothed in the bedroom, but horny minds think sex! And when they think sex, they forget everything you carefully wrote in your profile.
What about if ...
- You are non-monogamous or polyamorous? Be clear about it, as for most people, being either mono or non-mono is a deal breaker. If you are non-mono, write it fully as either ethical or consensual non-monogamy, so that you are not perceived as a butterfly looking for action.
- You already have a relationship going on, either far away, not enough, or just being normal if you are non-mono. If you are honest, then #1 covers that. If you are cheating, deal with the consequences.